I have a very long, very complicated weight loss journey. I'll try my best to tell you my story as easy as I can!
I was extremely obese as a child. When I was 13 I remember not being able to breathe. I wasn't doing anything but laying on a couch and I noticed how hard it was for me to breathe, which terrified me!
My mom took me to the doc and I weighed in at 298 (keep in mind that I'm very short, only 5'1").
I was always bullied for my weight in school, to the point of having to take me out of public school, to homeschool. My family was very poor, but I begged mom to sign me up for a gym membership. I had no idea how to work out or diet- I was only 13~14! But I finally did get into a gym and they taught me how to use the machines and all that. The fitness classes were my favorite bc I didn't know a lot about working out by myself, and they eventually became my favorite thing ever.
I had gotten the Internet for my homeschooling, so that gave me access to a lot of information on how to lose weight.
I immediately cut my food portions down and started to keep food diaries. I studied online on how to eat healthy quite often.
I lost weight rapidly. I would lose about a pound per day. In about a year and a half I was down to half my weight. I was a steady 150, and my body stopped losing weight at that point.
I tried to go back to public school after that. I wanted to go back as the new me and have the school life I never had before. Turns out that homeschool doesn't have a credit system like HS did, so the time I spent in homeschool counted for NOTHING and I would have to be held back if I wanted to be in public school again. I was. The kids who bullied me all barely recognized me, and the guy bullies would hit on me without realizing I was who I was. Other than that I was socially awkward, due to the previous bullying I received. I never had friends growing up, so I had no idea how to talk to people and make friends. Inside I was still fat me.
Going to school made me unable to workout and eat properly like I could being homeschooled. I couldn't pack healthy lunches and I couldn't eat the unhealthy school lunches, so I starved all day until I would get home. I lost 10 more pounds being in school, but I also got sick a lot more easily, since I was starving now half of the time.
I was out of school so much that my parents could no longer afford taking me to the doctor to get excuses for being out sick.
Since I was starving, I also became anemic, and I often would have dizzy spells. I passed out a lot and always had headaches. I was also an A student, but keeping up with makeup work was near impossible at times.
I kept this up until I was old enough to drop out, and decided to just get my GED later.
I was told to get a job right away, since I was out of school, and I did. I got a retail job.
I was very good at being a cashier. My drawers were always spot on, and I quickly got "promoted" (never getting my promised raise) to working the service desk. My higher ups and coworkers mistreated me at that job and I was miserable. Customers were rude and horrible to me every day. It was to the point where I was absolutely miserable every single day. I dreaded waking up.
I still tried to live healthy. I bought my own treadmill with my first couple of paychecks and often spent my money on health foods. I spent all my breaks planning my healthy meals and keeping my food diary in check. I ran hard on my treadmill before or after work, or both. I didn't want my job to hold me back from my healthy lifestyle like school did. It didn't matter and my efforts were wasted.
Within the first half year I worked there, weight crept on. I slowly gained 30 pounds in that time. I eventfully made work friends who would work out with me and we would motivate each other, but the weight wouldn't come off.
I didn't know how it was possible since I ate healthier than ever while I worked there and still managed to exercise. Somehow my weight shot up to around 175.
One day on the job this lady came into the store and was unreasonable angry with me bc I had a hard time understanding her (English was obviously not her first language). She spit on me and death threatened me. I tried to tell my boss about it but she told me she watched the security footage and the customer did "no such thing". I found out later that the lady who did that to me was my boss's friend. I quit. I was so tired of being miserable and depressed for less than I deserved (never did get that raise they promised me).
As soon as I quit that job, I focused on my health and just tried to encourage myself to be happier and do more for myself. I lost the weight I had gained at that job right away, with no diet or exercise changes. I was just happier and less stressed!
This is why I strong believe that stress and depression is highly linked to failed weight loss.
I was happier than ever and down to around 145~150. Life was good!
I later found the love of my life and started on my relationship with him. More weight came off. I was around 135. I was also on a new organic vegan diet (before I was only mostly vegetarian), which I think helped the weight to come off easier.
That was the healthiest I'd felt. I had all this energy and I was eating full meals without gaining weight. I didn't even have to count calories anymore at that point. I was down to a comfy size 4!
Later down the line things got worse and worse. I got another job, and then a second one. I never had any time to even sleep. I never had time to prep healthy meals for work. I was getting max 3 hours of sleep a night and rarely ever had a full day off. I had a lot of personal issues stacked on top of these jobs adding to my stress. My life went from an ultimate high to an ultimate low very fast.
Though I was starving and overworked from my jobs, I was only managing to maintain my weight. Starving and only maintaining?! As soon as I stepped down from one of the jobs I started eating normally again and gained a massive 30 pounds in one month. I was back up to 165.
Over the years I've stepped up my workout game and have been as on top of my diet as ever and weight has done nothing but crept back on over the past few years. Slowly, over the past few years I've gradually gained 15~20 more pounds (I'm at around 175~180 again now).
It has been so many years since I starved and was overworked from my jobs, so I don't think it's that effecting me anymore. It's almost as if my body is just sick and tired of me and refuses to lose weight anymore.
I'm maintaining now with a healthy mostly raw, vegan diet. I just try to eat clean now. I try not to starve. I workout harder than I ever have at the gym now. I've become like an athlete! I run and take all the intense classes at the gym. It doesn't make sense why I'm not losing weight anymore. My eating is spot on, my activity level is high....
I've become a nutrition expert over the years. I study healthy eating a lot in my spare time. I've started a weight loss group and helped several others lose weight, but I can't even lose it myself now.
My body does not reflect my lifestyle and diet. My body makes me look like a lazy pig, even though I've not let up on my efforts.
I've stayed strong.
I'm even more antisocial these days because of my failed efforts. I always assume that the people at my gym must think I ruin my workouts by eating poorly or something since I've worked out there for awhile now and my body has not changed.
My boyfriend doubted me and told me he doesn't even know if he believes I go to the gym at all because there are no results from it!
Is it actually impossible for me to lose weight anymore?
I've done some research and have found that when you gain weight (especially as a child), your fat cells fill up to capacity and therefor multiply to be able to hold the excess fat you are storing in your body. You can never get rid of excess fat cells with diet and exercise. You can burn the fat off and "empty" the fat out of the excess fat cells, but can not rid of them without liposuction. The excess fat cells make your body think that the higher weight you were before losing weight is your "normal" weight and therefore your body is going to work against your dieting efforts to get you back to your heavier "normal" weight. It's a way our bodies act to "survive".
When you eat less, your metabolism slows down to match the lower amount of calories it's getting all of a sudden, which is why a lot of people gain weight when they stop dieting. That's why you always hear that dieting doesn't work, only "lifestyle changes". I realize that the lifestyle change is really just an everlasting diet.
I gained weight simply from being at my miserable job, so I studied up on cortisol, which seemed to be the culprit of that situation. Chronic stress may make it near impossible for you to lose weight. When you are stressed its your body's way of trying to help you survive by holding onto fat. To be constantly stressed, well... You get the idea.
I've also read that when you diet your body changes in ways to make you bound to gain the weight back. Your body will tell you that you are hungrier more, it makes it harder to get full, you start getting unhealthy cravings. All that on top of the slowing metabolism? Your body is basically your enemy when it comes to losing weight now.
Is my best bet to save up for liposuction that I can't afford and just keep up my healthy lifestyle? Perhaps getting rid of those excess fat cells will help.
Is there something I can do to jumpstart weight loss again?
It's been about 4~5 years since I've been unable to lose anymore weight.
Shouldn't my metabolism have been able to recover by now from starving for a few months 5 years ago?
Here is a bit about my daily diet and exercise-
I eat around 1200~1400 cals a day
I exercise 5 days a week, for 1~2 hours at a time
I try to lift weights just as much as I do cardio, though I tend to always do more cardio since I love it a lot more!
I eat a clean, vegan diet
I try to keep my carbs around 100 grams, my fat at 30 grams, and my protein at around 40 grams, and at least 25 grams of fiber a day
I don't count sugar grams since all my sugar grams come from fruits mostly
I've cut white sugar/ breads/ rice out of my diet a long time ago
I never go over 1000mg if sodium per day
I try to combine foods properly for easy digestion
I recently stopped drinking coffee to lower cortisol levels, but even when I did drink it, I'd only have a small cup per day, black
I drink nothing but green tea or water
I always get in enough water, and drink more of it when I'm active at the gym
I am very depressed and deal with toxic people every day (I can't do anything about them right now), but I always thought that maybe they were a large contributor to my inability to lose weight again. It's like my first miserable job all over again.
I'm not sure what to do at this point, but my weight has held me back so much in my life. I've worked so hard and dedicated a huge chunk of my life to overcoming it. I simply feel like I deserve payoff for all my hard work and dedication by now- I'm just unsure of how to get that finally.
If anybody has any advice or input, it's greatly appreciated!
Thanks for all of you who have made it through this long, long post! ^_^
I was extremely obese as a child. When I was 13 I remember not being able to breathe. I wasn't doing anything but laying on a couch and I noticed how hard it was for me to breathe, which terrified me!
My mom took me to the doc and I weighed in at 298 (keep in mind that I'm very short, only 5'1").
I was always bullied for my weight in school, to the point of having to take me out of public school, to homeschool. My family was very poor, but I begged mom to sign me up for a gym membership. I had no idea how to work out or diet- I was only 13~14! But I finally did get into a gym and they taught me how to use the machines and all that. The fitness classes were my favorite bc I didn't know a lot about working out by myself, and they eventually became my favorite thing ever.
I had gotten the Internet for my homeschooling, so that gave me access to a lot of information on how to lose weight.
I immediately cut my food portions down and started to keep food diaries. I studied online on how to eat healthy quite often.
I lost weight rapidly. I would lose about a pound per day. In about a year and a half I was down to half my weight. I was a steady 150, and my body stopped losing weight at that point.
I tried to go back to public school after that. I wanted to go back as the new me and have the school life I never had before. Turns out that homeschool doesn't have a credit system like HS did, so the time I spent in homeschool counted for NOTHING and I would have to be held back if I wanted to be in public school again. I was. The kids who bullied me all barely recognized me, and the guy bullies would hit on me without realizing I was who I was. Other than that I was socially awkward, due to the previous bullying I received. I never had friends growing up, so I had no idea how to talk to people and make friends. Inside I was still fat me.
Going to school made me unable to workout and eat properly like I could being homeschooled. I couldn't pack healthy lunches and I couldn't eat the unhealthy school lunches, so I starved all day until I would get home. I lost 10 more pounds being in school, but I also got sick a lot more easily, since I was starving now half of the time.
I was out of school so much that my parents could no longer afford taking me to the doctor to get excuses for being out sick.
Since I was starving, I also became anemic, and I often would have dizzy spells. I passed out a lot and always had headaches. I was also an A student, but keeping up with makeup work was near impossible at times.
I kept this up until I was old enough to drop out, and decided to just get my GED later.
I was told to get a job right away, since I was out of school, and I did. I got a retail job.
I was very good at being a cashier. My drawers were always spot on, and I quickly got "promoted" (never getting my promised raise) to working the service desk. My higher ups and coworkers mistreated me at that job and I was miserable. Customers were rude and horrible to me every day. It was to the point where I was absolutely miserable every single day. I dreaded waking up.
I still tried to live healthy. I bought my own treadmill with my first couple of paychecks and often spent my money on health foods. I spent all my breaks planning my healthy meals and keeping my food diary in check. I ran hard on my treadmill before or after work, or both. I didn't want my job to hold me back from my healthy lifestyle like school did. It didn't matter and my efforts were wasted.
Within the first half year I worked there, weight crept on. I slowly gained 30 pounds in that time. I eventfully made work friends who would work out with me and we would motivate each other, but the weight wouldn't come off.
I didn't know how it was possible since I ate healthier than ever while I worked there and still managed to exercise. Somehow my weight shot up to around 175.
One day on the job this lady came into the store and was unreasonable angry with me bc I had a hard time understanding her (English was obviously not her first language). She spit on me and death threatened me. I tried to tell my boss about it but she told me she watched the security footage and the customer did "no such thing". I found out later that the lady who did that to me was my boss's friend. I quit. I was so tired of being miserable and depressed for less than I deserved (never did get that raise they promised me).
As soon as I quit that job, I focused on my health and just tried to encourage myself to be happier and do more for myself. I lost the weight I had gained at that job right away, with no diet or exercise changes. I was just happier and less stressed!
This is why I strong believe that stress and depression is highly linked to failed weight loss.
I was happier than ever and down to around 145~150. Life was good!
I later found the love of my life and started on my relationship with him. More weight came off. I was around 135. I was also on a new organic vegan diet (before I was only mostly vegetarian), which I think helped the weight to come off easier.
That was the healthiest I'd felt. I had all this energy and I was eating full meals without gaining weight. I didn't even have to count calories anymore at that point. I was down to a comfy size 4!
Later down the line things got worse and worse. I got another job, and then a second one. I never had any time to even sleep. I never had time to prep healthy meals for work. I was getting max 3 hours of sleep a night and rarely ever had a full day off. I had a lot of personal issues stacked on top of these jobs adding to my stress. My life went from an ultimate high to an ultimate low very fast.
Though I was starving and overworked from my jobs, I was only managing to maintain my weight. Starving and only maintaining?! As soon as I stepped down from one of the jobs I started eating normally again and gained a massive 30 pounds in one month. I was back up to 165.
Over the years I've stepped up my workout game and have been as on top of my diet as ever and weight has done nothing but crept back on over the past few years. Slowly, over the past few years I've gradually gained 15~20 more pounds (I'm at around 175~180 again now).
It has been so many years since I starved and was overworked from my jobs, so I don't think it's that effecting me anymore. It's almost as if my body is just sick and tired of me and refuses to lose weight anymore.
I'm maintaining now with a healthy mostly raw, vegan diet. I just try to eat clean now. I try not to starve. I workout harder than I ever have at the gym now. I've become like an athlete! I run and take all the intense classes at the gym. It doesn't make sense why I'm not losing weight anymore. My eating is spot on, my activity level is high....
I've become a nutrition expert over the years. I study healthy eating a lot in my spare time. I've started a weight loss group and helped several others lose weight, but I can't even lose it myself now.
My body does not reflect my lifestyle and diet. My body makes me look like a lazy pig, even though I've not let up on my efforts.
I've stayed strong.
I'm even more antisocial these days because of my failed efforts. I always assume that the people at my gym must think I ruin my workouts by eating poorly or something since I've worked out there for awhile now and my body has not changed.
My boyfriend doubted me and told me he doesn't even know if he believes I go to the gym at all because there are no results from it!
Is it actually impossible for me to lose weight anymore?
I've done some research and have found that when you gain weight (especially as a child), your fat cells fill up to capacity and therefor multiply to be able to hold the excess fat you are storing in your body. You can never get rid of excess fat cells with diet and exercise. You can burn the fat off and "empty" the fat out of the excess fat cells, but can not rid of them without liposuction. The excess fat cells make your body think that the higher weight you were before losing weight is your "normal" weight and therefore your body is going to work against your dieting efforts to get you back to your heavier "normal" weight. It's a way our bodies act to "survive".
When you eat less, your metabolism slows down to match the lower amount of calories it's getting all of a sudden, which is why a lot of people gain weight when they stop dieting. That's why you always hear that dieting doesn't work, only "lifestyle changes". I realize that the lifestyle change is really just an everlasting diet.
I gained weight simply from being at my miserable job, so I studied up on cortisol, which seemed to be the culprit of that situation. Chronic stress may make it near impossible for you to lose weight. When you are stressed its your body's way of trying to help you survive by holding onto fat. To be constantly stressed, well... You get the idea.
I've also read that when you diet your body changes in ways to make you bound to gain the weight back. Your body will tell you that you are hungrier more, it makes it harder to get full, you start getting unhealthy cravings. All that on top of the slowing metabolism? Your body is basically your enemy when it comes to losing weight now.
Is my best bet to save up for liposuction that I can't afford and just keep up my healthy lifestyle? Perhaps getting rid of those excess fat cells will help.
Is there something I can do to jumpstart weight loss again?
It's been about 4~5 years since I've been unable to lose anymore weight.
Shouldn't my metabolism have been able to recover by now from starving for a few months 5 years ago?
Here is a bit about my daily diet and exercise-
I eat around 1200~1400 cals a day
I exercise 5 days a week, for 1~2 hours at a time
I try to lift weights just as much as I do cardio, though I tend to always do more cardio since I love it a lot more!
I eat a clean, vegan diet
I try to keep my carbs around 100 grams, my fat at 30 grams, and my protein at around 40 grams, and at least 25 grams of fiber a day
I don't count sugar grams since all my sugar grams come from fruits mostly
I've cut white sugar/ breads/ rice out of my diet a long time ago
I never go over 1000mg if sodium per day
I try to combine foods properly for easy digestion
I recently stopped drinking coffee to lower cortisol levels, but even when I did drink it, I'd only have a small cup per day, black
I drink nothing but green tea or water
I always get in enough water, and drink more of it when I'm active at the gym
I am very depressed and deal with toxic people every day (I can't do anything about them right now), but I always thought that maybe they were a large contributor to my inability to lose weight again. It's like my first miserable job all over again.
I'm not sure what to do at this point, but my weight has held me back so much in my life. I've worked so hard and dedicated a huge chunk of my life to overcoming it. I simply feel like I deserve payoff for all my hard work and dedication by now- I'm just unsure of how to get that finally.
If anybody has any advice or input, it's greatly appreciated!
Thanks for all of you who have made it through this long, long post! ^_^
[long post] I NEED HELP! unable to lose weight anymore
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